My dear, dear Fans!
It is with great joy and sadness that I write this blog post. I already explain why I have been gone in the beginning of my third novel “Haggis MacBrawn’s (no longer a) Biggest Secret” which will be (or was, if you are reading in the future) published on May 5, 2023 by Mr Bezos of Amazon, but in case you are a slow reader and still catching up on my first two novels in the now concluded The Edible Highlander Saga which is a trilogy, I will tell you here once more.
Firstly, I’ve had to care for my husband, Gunther, through a serious case of ‘manflu’ (between the three of us, this is a code word we use for a very sensitive medical operation, which he insisted upon even though I told him I was happy to ignore his 12 centimetres and there was no need for me to have to ignore 14 of them). Secondly, once his 14 centimetres recovered, Gunther enthusiastically proceeded to you-know-what. His enthusiasm turned out to be very infectious and so I discovered he has acquired interest of 4 (four) maidens (sluts) in our small town. I discovered this, because my niece is a nurse and also a very discreet person who only shares everything with me and nobody else. I send thanks to those 4 (four) maidens for giving him something to do outside the house while I GRIEVED.
Thirdly, the most sadly, which is why I grieved, my beloved doggie Ernesto (just like the one on my profile photo, but mine was special) has passed away to the great doggie sky. (I am myself not a person of faith, but Ernesto was a devout follower of religion. He always told me about it.) Gunther, who thought himself as kind as he is smart, provided me with a replacement in form of a shit-zu. It is a very expensive brand of Japanese dogs, but it also makes a lot of high-pitched noise. I quietly replaced the shit-zu with a Lassie (not a Scottish lassie, but the one from the movie, only it was actually a different one because it is a very old movie) and he never noticed. Doggie God bless you, Gunther, while you and your 4 (four) sluts are recovering from your infectious enthusiasm for your 14 centimeters. This has been very hard for both of us (Ernesto and myself) and I’m sure you (my Fans, not Gunther) appreciate my need to withdraw from the hurly burly of writing bestselling novels during this time.
Secondly, there was that ghastly misunderstanding in Thailand. It’s important my loyal fanbase understands you shouldn’t believe everything you’ve read in the Daily Daily or Persons. (Even if it’s been lodged at court, as my successful appeal against that dreadful, unfounded conviction demonstrates.)
Anyway! The wonderful news is I’m now free to devote my time to writing novels once more! As Lassie sits next to me, faithful (unlike some) and loving, I channel her lovingness, if not faithfulness, into my third soon-to-be-published (or already published, depending on when you are reading this blog post) novel, Haggis MacBrawn’s (no longer a) Biggest Secret!!!
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Karen is the author we deserve in these times.
Thank you, dear Fan! I must agree (in a modest way). Mr Bezos has chosen to publish my novels, after all!