My new #AI face reveal! (with a deep sigh)

Now. My dears. Before I begin, I would like to insert a couple caveats, because I have been done an injustice after all (but at 50% discount) and when I say “injustice” I don’t even mean Andreas’s vegan, sugar-free, gluten-free donuts (I was not permitted to put jam on it, but he reluctantly permitted organic, cruelty-free honey, except I couldn’t find a way to just eat the honey and hide the “donuts” so I suffered in chewy silence). I mean the injustice that my designer Paolo made in the #AI to my natural beauty! Which is now unnatural, but that was sort of the point.

As you know, I am forced to lead my life in cognito, due to various criminal deeds I DID NOT EVEN COMMIT. Is my husband’s name Gunther? OBVIOUSLY NOT. How many Gunthers do you know?! Exactly. I couldn’t think of any other Czechoslovakian name, though. (But my dog Lassie, who is named after Lassie from the movie Lassie, is as real as Lassie gets. Come to mummy, Lassie, kissy kissy time!) Where was I? Oh yes. Time for the new face. But before I begin, I would like you to know that I am not as old as this makes me look. I told Paolo (repeatedly) that I would like to look the way I feel, which is 29, and he let out a weird sound that sounded suspiciously like “invoice” so I gave up.

I do not normally have plants in my hair, because once, as a child, I got into a very unpleasant construct between me and a rose bush, and the more I tried to not have flowers in my hair without first detaching them from the bush, the worse it got. Honestly, my Fans, it was quite a sight. If YouPipe was around (as you know, I tend to change names of famous companies because I don’t want to get sued, except Aldi, because Aldi is everywhere, a bit like mosquitos) I would have become a viral sensation. Luckily, there are not even photographs, and no, Paolo, I am not too old for photographs even existing.

Now that we have established I in fact look much younger, use make-up which makes me look even younger (Ethel, take note), and wear age-appropriate outfits (age being 29), and also Lassie is not on the picture but I felt that would be too revealing, and also I hope Gunther never sees it because he will laugh his moobs off, here (with a great sigh) is my new Official Face.

(I do not have those wrinkles. Paolo was being nasty. Probably because of Andreas’s kale smoothies. I would be nasty too, if I had to drink that instead of coffee.)

Also, what is missing is my tiny golden heart pendant, but even I saw how many difficulties poor Paolo had making a TINY or GOLDEN or HEART pendant (crosses, imagine that, are very easy to make), but I shouldn’t be saying that, because as obviously #AI proves, there are very few tiny golden heart pendants. And, since I live my life in cognito, I couldn’t risk suddenly being bumped into by a Maffia member exclaiming triumphantly and evilly “we have found the woman who had departed with a suitcase containing between one and three million dollars” and I would then say “but I did it accidentally and also it is Gunther, my husband, who is at fault,” but I wouldn’t even get to “acci” before he shot me dead in act of revenge. Which would be stupid, because this way he would never find the suitcase (truth is, I don’t know where the actual suitcase is either, Swiss banks probably have tons of suitcases that arrived filled with dollars, and they give them to the poor) (are there poor people in Switzerland? I have to do research again), but then Maffia people are not chosen for their great intellectual values any more than for their kindness and warmth of the heart.

So (with another deep sigh) (I told him to crop off my bust, because I am a modest woman, and also there are parts where you don’t want your designer Paolo to make you the age he made my new face, but my perky, despite my age of 29, upon which I will insist, breast has arisen in a deep sigh and then lowered itself back where it belongs, which is on my chest) (actually both my breasts did that, and also my tonned abdomenals, I am not entirely sure where I keep my lungs) I am now this face and this face is me. Is this the face of someone who has written three romantic shifter novels and is working on an epic fantasy grim dark romantic historical novel?

Yes, my Fans. Apparently it is.

All my love, Karen xoxo