(This is my ‘promotional author photo’ for The Handwarmers of Immortality, I think I will need a new one for My Two (Not Gay) Gang Biker Boyfriends and my upcoming Viking novel the title of which I decided not to reveal yet in case someone steals it).
The Handwarmers of Immortality, my grim dark epic fantasy historical romantic novel, has not won the competition SPFLO (Superbly Perfect Fantastic Loveable Oeuvres), but received a raving (in some places) review. It was also compared to a movie starring Sean Connery (it is sheer coincidence, in fact, that the main male protagonist after the ginger is no longer the main male protagonist is called Shir Shawn Chonnery) called something like Outlander, which initially excited me a lot, because if you have a TV I am sure you have watched Outlander and if you don’t get one to watch it (ignore the text in this article – it’s irrelevant to anything, look with your eyes, my dearests!). But it was something else and I am not even certain of the title of the movie which was not Outlander, because in my excitement I might have partook in a bit too much sherry and now I must rewatch the review.
I think I am famous now. Properly famous. I am talked about in the media! And look at this:
I shall cherish this glowing endorsement and tell my designer Paolo to add it on the website! Together with the actual book. (But not tonight. Tonight is Saturday night as I am writing this and Paolo is a gay homosexual, who does what gay homosexuals do on Saturday nights – I believe tonight it’s Monopoly night.) [Paolo, dear, put it where it says quotes from the readers to be added soon. Love you extra. K xoxo]
So, now that my nerves have calmed from the expectation, even though it was unmet – you have no idea how nerve-racking it is to wait for a review in SFBOP for MONTHS expecting to win, obviously, and then to not even win – I can return to my Art. I am a bit writer blocked on My Two (Not Gay) Gang Biker Boyfriends, dearests, I must admit. When you (I) write a novel, you (I) go through “drafts” which are basically new, improved versions until you achieve perfection. I have written most of the first draft and 1/3 of the second, but realised they are the same book, only different, which means I have achieved perfection before starting. This stumped me so much I stopped. (Sad emojicon.) [Paolo, why don’t emojicons work on my own website? Answer when you wake up on Tuesday afternoon, of course. Love you, K xoxo]
In an exciting plot twist, my neighbour Vasoline who has been “dumped” by her “partner” The Dishwasher Man is in, seemingly, trouble, because while he moved out, it seems that he also owns the house! In some sort of insane kindness I frankly don’t understand, same as I don’t understand how someone’s taste in women could be Vasoline, even before the plastic surgery performed by a glass-blower in a wax candle factory, he permitted her to stay. SO FAR. There are “viewings” arranged and I saw her with my own eyes, as I was accidentally standing by the kitchen window in case I see something – it is important to witness crimes when any are committed, and I do my best for the society and our neighbourhood – an “agent” (not secret type) plowed a sign saying FOR SALE in front of her house. When he left, she pulled the sign out with a grunt (my window was a bit open in case I needed to witness crimes aurally, too) and threw it in the rubbish bin. Not even the right one. I am quite sure plastic is not compostable, although is Vasoline compostable now that she had plastic surgery? This isn’t a thought I wanted to think, truth be told, and I apologise for sharing it with you.
Anyway, there might be no Vasoline next door, or there might. I wonder whether she can buy his house for herself? I hope he priced it way out of her market price range. OR – I might buy it in secret (can I buy a house in cognito through my Swiss euro bank or even the bit coins? Do they sell houses for bit coins?) and turn it into a Lassie Palace. Only then I would have to set my appointments with her in advance. Or I could get myself a secretary. Mind buggles at the possibilities! (As long as The Dishwasher Man doesn’t move back in instead and it turns out the sign was placed at the wrong address, because Number Six, i.e. the other neighbour, is Juan from the supermarket, who warned me he is writing his final thesis, as in he ran out of subjects our university covers and he has ALL the degrees by now.)
I think I digress, but I am not sure from what at this point. Anyway! You should expect more novels from me this year (year being 12 months, which I shall specify just in case) and I believe that fantasy covers both fantasy fantasy and romance fantasy (also known as romantasy which is or is not a word I penned (‘LOL’) myself) (I think I might have an extra bracket somewhere here so just in case ))) ).
Lovingly,
Karen (almost the winner) x